What Breaks Your Heart?

What is currently breaking my heart is watching Oreo struggle with old age and congestive heart failure. He was diagnosed 2 years ago, and we were told that his life expectancy would be six months to two years. We are rapidly approaching the long goodbye. Several times this month we were convinced he wouldn’t last the night. We watch him sleep most of the day, stumble and fall over in the middle of the room, barely eat, struggle to breathe when his medication wears off, and refuse his favorite treats. We agreed that we don’t want him to suffer but every time we think

we are at “that stage” he surprises us and rallies. We think he is somewhere between 12 and 14 years old and in dog years he would be in his 90”s. 

    Last week he had stomach issues involving explosive diarrhea, loss of appetite, and stability problems. He has a bed in the living room, our bedroom, and my office as he likes to be near us. Dad was gone and I took Oreo out to the front yard to let him potty. He is on a diuretic so has to urinate frequently. He had to go and afterward he sometimes does a little dance and ends with several paw scratches in the grass as if to say, “Wasn’t that a good one?” 

    It was a beautiful evening, with a nice cool breeze, and the birds were singing in the trees. He looked happy and suddenly just dropped and started rolling in the grass like a puppy. After several spins, he rolled over on his side and soaked in the warmth of the sun. I swear, it looked like he was smiling! He sniffed the grass, the air, the fragrance of the honeysuckle, and the clover and I thought he was trying to memorize the moment as if he was trying to say goodbye. I sat on the porch watching him commune with nature, His eyes were clear, he was relaxed, and it almost seemed like a holy moment. The fireflies had just come out by the time Dad got home. 

    Dad had to carry Oreo into the house as “his holy moment” seemed to have drained him. He wouldn’t eat or drink and was very unstable on his feet. When we put him in his kennel, by our bed, we gave him extra cuddles and rubs and whispered that if he wanted to go “over the rainbow bridge ” we would be ok. I cried and Dad was on the verge of tears, and we truly didn’t think he would last the night, but he did.

    Yes, he wakes us up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, we’re old we go to the bathroom frequently during the night anyway. We’ve found out dog hair is a fashion accessory as well as a condiment. We found out he can clear the floor from dropped food faster than the vacuum cleaner. He is a better security alarm and much louder when he announces strangers at the door. He’s a good lap warmer when you are cold, a motivational instructor when he needs to go out, and the best greeter when you are finally home. 

    Every day could be his last, so we celebrate them all. For a small dog who can’t talk he speaks loudly with his eyes, his smiles, and his desire to be as close as possible to us. I know that it will break my heart when I have said my last goodbye so for now, we hold him a little closer, give him his favorite treats, cuddle him in his blanket when he shivers, and carry him up and down the stairs. He is a rescue dog, we saved him from living on the streets, he rescued us from boredom and selfishness and showed us what unconditional love looks and feels like.