Is anyone really listening?

I've often thought Mr. Wonderful had "selective hearing loss". It seems like if there is something he doesn't want to hear, he'll tell me, "I'm sorry, did you say something?"

The TV sound level is always so high that I can be two rooms away and still hear the evening news just fine.



It started me thinking......does anyone really listen any more?

Talk is cheap: It's listening that's rare and valuable. Listening isn't as easy as it sounds. Thanks to schedules filled to the brim with family, work and social commitments, multitasking has become standard procedure for most Americans.

Another barrier to listening is our wiring. Most of us only take in half of what is being said during a conversation, according to the International Listening Association of Falls River, Wisconsin. Research shows that we speak at 125 to 150 words per minute, yet think at 500 words a minute. So with nearly 400 words of thinking time available to us each minute that we're listening, drifting off is a pretty natural reaction.

So how do we become better listeners? Hear are some 7 simple techniques taken from Robin Westen in the newest Family Circle Magazine on "Easy Listening".

1. Diminish distractions: Studies show that we are distracted or preoccupied during about 75% of our conversations. One of the most important ways to listen is to turn off cell phones, TV's, car radios, or computers and bring your full presence to the situation.
2. Ask, don't tell. It's natural to want to help the other person by offering a solution or sharing a perspective on a problem. No matter how carefully we may have weighed our response, experts agree that once advice is offered, communication is likely to shut down. You may want to ask, " Take me through the steps that led you here."
3. Make eye contact: Whenever possible talk about important things in person-and look into each other's eyes during the conversation. "When you make eye contact, the speaker literally feels heard."
4. Don't overthink: It's impossible to listen if you're figuring out how to respond at the same time.
   
5. Fill in the blanks: Most of us leave out about 25% of our story. Take the perspective of an objective observer by asking follow up questions when something doesn't make sense to you.
6. Read between the line: Take note of nonverbal cues such as voice inflection, facial gestures and body movements. If anything seems out of sync with what the speaker is saying simply ask, " What are you feeling?"
7. Be patient: Always allow the speaker's words to sink in before responding. This allows them time to consider what they have said as well as clarify or change their thoughts. Most people process their thoughts out loud and can solve their own problems once they have had a chance to exam them.