This past weekend I spent staying with my friend's mother-in-law who has Alzheimer's Disease. Now before you tell me what a wonderful friend I am and what a tremendous sacrifice I made let me tell you that it's been over a year since I last volunteered. My friend deals with this 24/7. This is what I learned from Louise.
1. Louise lives in the moment.
2. Louise's face lights up as she repeats the 4 memories that highlighted her life.
3. Louise remembers how she met her husband and always chuckles as she recounts it.
4. Louise remembers that she ran a deli/bakery and worked 7 days a week from 7 a.m. to 11p.m. She remembers that it was hard work but that she loved it.
5. Louise remembers her family, her husband and her son. She remembers that she was loved.
6. Louise is very trusting of strangers because she doesn't know that they are strangers.
7. Louise knows that she can't remember and that's the moment that is heart breaking.
8. Louise is amazingly happy.
9. I set aside the time to be with her and did not plan any other activity while I was with her. I gave her my full attention and responded positively to every thing she asked, my friend does not have that luxury. I found it to be emotionally draining but I knew that this was for a limited time and that I could leave when it was over.
10. I admire my friend for caring for her mother-in-law on a daily basis but I wouldn't want to trade places with her. Admiration is a poor excuse for selfishness.
11. I wonder what will be the stories of my lifetime? What stories will I repeat and find great comfort in? Will I remember that I was loved, that I worked hard, and that I took pleasure in the simple things of life?
12. I am reminded to "live in the moment" right now while I still have the capacity to cherish those around me and savor those memories.
13. I am also reminded that the things that frustrate me and steal my joy today may not even be a memory later on.
14. Mr. Wonderful once asked me, "Will you still love me when I have Alzheimer's ?" to which I smiled wickedly and said, "You'll never know!" I realize now, " how not funny" that is....forgive me Lord, for being so flippant.
15. I am reminded to visit my own mother more frequently, to cherish her, be thankful for her independence and her ability to live alone.
16. Big Revelation: I'm not as nice, as I once thought. I do have limits and am quite selfish with my time and my resources. I pretend not to see, what I don't want to deal with.....I am a Pharisee!
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Lessons learned from an Alzheimer's Patient
Posted by Lazy Daisy at 9:11 AM
Labels: all about Me, Alzheimers
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12 comments:
You are NOT a Pharisee! You DO love a pitty-party though! :p
Ya know... EVEN Jesus took time to RELAX! He allowed himself a glass of wine... and some time to rest and play with his disciples! He took quiet time for prayer, and occasionally he said NO. WHY do you think you need to be MORE perfect than HE was??? HE loves you JUST the way you are! And so do I!
AMEN to Melli's words!!! We all have our selfish moments, times we don't see the one in need or fail to give to others but that does not make us Pharisees.....it makes us human. God knows your heart and how big it is. Cut yourself some slack!!!
You are loved.
Well Jane and Melli....here is another woman that totally agrees with you!! We are just human!! This does not by any means make you a Pharisee!! NO WAY!! But i do agree that we do need our pity parties...I know that i do..just ask hubby! Take care. You did learn a lot from Louise though and it came through beautifully in this post. Sandy
You are a wonderful person, Lazy Daisy, your only "fault" is to be human!!
I volunteer for an English conversation class in my community (I will sometime blog about this) and one of "my" students deals with Alzheimer every day: his wife (who is in her early 60's) has this terrible illness...he tells us that the illness is easy to understand but very hard to accept... He attends the class to set his mind on something else.
It would dwell on your mind if it was in front of your face everyday..I don't know how I would react if one of my family members got this sad disease..I have been back home since Friday. The two grands came with me and stayed over the week-end while mom and dad went to a wedding in Charleston,S. C. They left on Sunday..When they leave , I get blue and take it out on my poor husband..I spent the day with my mom and we went shopping.Now I need to go cook supper. Talk later, Love ya, Baba
Hello dear Daisy:-) I'm back from my trip and trying to play catch up now...I feel like I've been away a month instead of just a few days! lol I think it's wonderful that you spent some time with Louise...Alzheimer's is indeed a terrible disease. I have a 90 year old uncle who has it and talking to him just breaks your heart. Like you, I couldn't take care of someone like that 24 hours a day...I think it needs a special person to be able to do so. We must be special for other things:-) xoxo
Of all people, you are not selfish! I remember when D's grandmother was living, she had Alzhiemers and it was exhausting when we visited her. It is a horrible disease and one that robs it's victims. You are a good friend to volunteer even one day.
Oh Daisy, I have tears in my eyes reading this!! You are so good not what you said your were and you lift me up daily by your post!
You know that I take care of someone 24/7 that says the same stuff over and over!! She just now asked me if someone is staying with her when she gets her hair cut tomorrow! Kelly and I have told her all day that YES one of us will stay with her!!
I do good most of the time but there are times when if she tells me one more time I think I am going to go bonkers!!!! My other daughters are good about helping me out with her..... I guess I want to be able say I am always Ms Perfect BUT I am Not!!
I try so hard but I don't always make it.... Ok, Daisy dear you have punched in a hot button for sure!!!
I just have to pray for Grace every day.. I would love it if you put me on your prayer list for our taking care of Nancy... Kelly and I don't blog about this to much because everyone would soon tire of hearing about how hard this can be, so we don't, but it is always there even if we aren't blogging about her.... She is a sweetheart and so giving...
Ok This will turn into a book!! Love you Carolyn
It's the quality, not the quantity of time we spend with our friends. As you said, you gave her your full attention while visiting. Daisy, you are a good friend.
Daisy - You're just human, you can't change that. You are a fantastic human though. I'm sure your friend appreciates your efforts more than you think she does.
What an awesome post Daisy. I think we are all just people, living and learning, loving and being loved. When God calls us we find the courage that we need for the task at hand, but we barely notice when the courage is our own. All together we can understand the love that binds us together. Separately we can't. Thanks for connecting with us and making your experiences and insights real in all of our hearts.
mp
Beautiful observations. I don't think a pharisee would've noticed...
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